Little Darlings

Yesterday was an adventure.  While it started off horrible, by the end of the day I was laughing to keep from crying.

So it all Started at 7:15 in the freaking morning!  In my house any morning that I am woken up before 9 is a freaking morning.  Anyways I was sleeping in my bed and my two big kids came in to lay down and sleep/ snuggle like they do every single morning.  This morning though they seemed to have suddenly realized that they were both using the same pillow and that was unacceptable, how they never noticed before today I will never know, but they of course were forced to scream and fight and battle to the death for control of the pillow.  I was too tired to talk so I just hit them with handed them my pillow.  Not good enough, they still fought so I sent them downstairs to watch a show while I slept on all of the pillows, because I'm petty like that.

At around 9 I was woken up to some fighting coming from the kitchen and since I couldn't slip out the front door and escape to Mexico without being seen I went to mediate their dispute. As it turns out they were brushing their teeth and somehow the caps of their toothpastes had gotten mixed up.  They had just had their dentists appointments and they had gotten new dental kits with floss and timers and toothbrushes and toothpaste, identical toothpaste, with identical caps.  So I took both tubes, both caps, left the room and put them together then returned them and everyone was fine.  It was a close call. During the battle Finley had been woken up, but shes perfect and the only child that wasn't on my list, so I was happy to see her. I mean if seeing this face doesn't make you smile you are for sure a serial killer, there is no other explanation.

So then it was time to get ready for swim lessons so I asked Brisa to get her suit on:

Me: "Ok Brisa, go find a swim suit to put on I have to feed Finny, pack some lunches and then we have to go."
Brisa: "no"
Me: "what?  Why not?"
Brisa: "because I don't want to wear the swimsuit I wore yesterday because my teacher has already seen it two days, so I need my other one."
Me: "Ok, then get your other one, I don't care which suit you wear."
Brisa: "ugh, fiiiiine"
Me to Finny: "What just happened?"

So I feed my angel baby and put her down to get Carson dressed:

Carson: "No, not that shirt.  No, no, no, no not that one I never want to wear that one!  I need my baseball shirt!"
Me: "Your baseball shirt is dirty, you wore it yesterday remember?"
Carson: "Well you could wash it for me!"
Me: "I will wash it, but I don't have time to do it right now, we have to go."
Carson: *throws himself on the ground in grief and cries*

Meanwhile I ask Brisa to grab clothes to change in to after lessons, she picks a fleece pullover, and sweats, all brand new, and all completely inappropriate for a 90 degree day.  She will not listen to reason I am beyond caring so I give in, if she sweats, she sweats.  Also she looks fierce so more power to her.

So now that Carson is grieving he follows me around crying for the next hour as I'm trying to get everyone dressed and ready to go.  I hand him shoes, he cries, I ask Brisa to go to the bathroom before we leave, She screams, he cries, I cry, Finny looks on in horror, we leave.

When we get to the pool everything is great, the kids are both mad and not talking to me because apparently I am the problem, I don't care, its quiet.  Then my handsome husband showed up with a breakfast burrito.  He's always handsome, but when hes holding food he is 100x more attractive, its science I think. He takes over the parenting and I eat my burrito.  Everything is right in my world.  Then the whistle blows and swim lessons are over.  Cut to the locker room:

B: It smells in here.
Me: Yep, sure does, lets change fast.
B: What is that smell?
Me: Don't know, lets just get you changed.
B: It smells like Finny's diapers.
Me: Brisa we could be done by now!
B: Fiiiine!  Where are my panties?
Me: I don't know, did you put them in your bag?
B: oops, I forgot.
So she Michael Phelpsed it out of the surf and swim in bathing suit bottoms and a sweater, she looked adorable.

As we were walking out Carson stopped in front of the candy counter and demanded a treat, that's when I remembered that I had tried to bribe him in to silence earlier, it didn't work so he didn't get a treat, he screamed all the way to the car.  Chad helped me load the kids in the car, that opened my door for me and as soon as I sat down I realized that he was going back to work and I was going to be left alone with them once again.  as he closed the door I cried, he opened it to check on me, gave me a hug and then sent me on my way.

Since I had already finished my emergency supply of Dr Pepper the day before I decided to grab a soda on the way home, the kids were already in the car and I would have to pass a million drive thru's on the way home anyway so I talked myself into it. As we pull up Brisa asks for a Happy Meal, I say no, she said that she didn't get to go down the slide today after swim lessons so I owed her.  I told her that made no sense and she could go down the slide at home.  The one we bought and installed on our deck because our kids NEEDED a slide.  That was obviously an awful idea because she immediately started crying and screaming that she hated me.

B: I hate you!  You are not my mommy ANY.MORE.
Me: cool, I guess that means I don't have to pay for college!  Daddy and I are going to go on vacation!
B: I'm NOT going to college.
Me:  well since I'm not your mommy anymore, I don't care if you do or not.

She just rolled her eyes and walked into the house.  I guess even though I'm not her mom now I still have to feed her and clothe her a put a roof over her head. Seems unfair, oh well.  I grabbed my Finny girl and headed inside. Brisa wasn't talking to me and had gone to hide in her room.  Carson was at the end of the hall crying because he had accidentally locked himself out of my room before he was done going through all the drawers on my vanity and throwing everything on the ground.  Such a shame.  After giving Brisa a few minutes to calm down I went to talk to her, I couldn't find her so I had to look around and I finally found her in her closet covering her doll with a glue stick. Apparently she wanted to give her doll a bath and instead of just asking decided to make her doll dirty so I wouldn't be able to say no. She was shocked when she realized I WAS able to say no and cleaned it myself.

Since she was clearly in an artsy mood I sat her down at her table and gave her some markers.  Somehow in the midst of creating she dropped a marker without noticing.  Finley on the other hand noticed right away.  So while I was giving a doll a bath Fin was eating a marker.

I had just about enough at this point so I sent my big kids outside so that I could clean up Finny and read a little to calm down.  A few minutes later I notice some commotion across the living room.  I looked up and saw the kids playing with Fin and laughing and getting along. I smiled, this is so nice, look how sweet they are, such perfect little angels.  I went back to my book.  then I herad "Oh no! Catch him Carson!" I look up and there is a grasshopper hopping on the rocking chair.  Turns out my little angels were not playing with their sister, Carson was showing her his new pet.  When he finally caught it again I sent them outside and told them not to come in until they were ready to stay in.

Which leads me to my third and final disaster.  It took a while, but after talking to the witness and the perp a few times I think that I have finally put together the chain of events.  While they were outside they came across a sticky mouse trap.  Why was it outside you ask?  Why can't a mouse live its life in the backyard?  Isn't it mean to have them out in the fresh air where the mice run and frolic? All good questions, all questions for Chad.  Anyways, Brisa touched it.  then got nervous because she had already been told not to touch it so she freaked out.  She grabbed it with the other hand and then was double stuck, so she wiped it off on to her brand new clothes she was wearing for the very first time that were supposed to last all winter long.  Then Carson helped her pry it off with a stick.  Crisis Averted.  Except now she was all sticky.  So she covered it all in dirt and grass, mom wouldn't notice. That didn't work she was still all sticky so she ran in and sprinted to the bathroom to wash her hands.  a few minutes later I heard a small "Mom, a little help in here?" so I went in and found her covered in mud. so I told her just rinse it off.  she said she couldn't and when I went to help her I realized how sticky she was.  I  asked her what it was and she said it was glue that she found outside, and I was so confused because why would there just be insanely sticky glue laying around outside?  Then I realized two things:  1) soap and water were not going to be enough, and 2) I was now covered in the stuff too.  So I peeled her off the bathroom sink she was now stuck to and carried her to the kitchen, put her down and saw the sticky trap stuck to her.  It had somehow become reattached during the cover up attempt.  So now that I knew what I was dealing with I told her we would have to call Chad because I was so sticky I couldn't use my phone or the computer.  Thankfully we have an Amazon Echo that I can use to call Chad using just my voice.  Brisa begged me not to call him so I told her I wouldn't tell him who was stuck, but I needed him to Google how to take it off. She agreed and we were in business.  Unfortunately while I was on the phone I said it was "all over her hands and clothes".  When I got off the phone Brisa yelled at me because I had given her away.  Whatever.  So I finally got it off of her (peanut butter on her hands, hot water wash on the clothes)

After all the chaos I went to the living room to celebrate my victory and found Carson and the carpet covered in Brisa's make-up.  Fortunately for him I was already dead inside so I just cleaned him and sent him downstairs cleaned up the carpet and then Chad walked in the door.  I changed, told him I didn't have time to make dinner and left.  I came back an hour later, boo, but the kids were already in pj's and ready for bed.  They went to sleep, I snuggled Finny and we all lived happily ever after.  Finny also got her hands on a blueberry at some point, I'm not sure how, but I'm sure it was a mess. Maybe I should have changed her clothes?

Finley

So I realize I never posted about Finley's birth. Maybe because she's the third child, and maybe because it was a c-section and I was so drugged I don't remember a thing. Either way I will try to make something up recall the details now.


So Finley's story really starts a few weeks before she is born. In one of my late ultrasounds it was discovered that Finley had short femurs ( I was 36 weeks, but her femurs measured at 32 weeks), which can be a marker for downs, but she had no other markers so I put it out of my mind. At that appointment they were so concerned about her legs that the fact that she was breech was overlooked. So at my next appointment they told me that she was breech and I had only 2 weeks to try to flip her naturally before we would have to discuss other options. So home I went. I spent 2 weeks upside down, I had a huge headache, but if I could save myself from a c-section it would all be worth it. 

The morning of my appointment she got the hiccups and I felt them way up in my ribs, so, no flip. Then I saw on the ultrasound that she was still breech and also she was so high up in my ribs that her nose was all smashed on the ultrasound. Fantastic. 

So I scheduled my External Cephalic Version for a Thursday afternoon and an ultrasound for the Tuesday before to see if maybe by some miracle she would flip on her own and save me a trip to the hospital, no such luck. So on Thursday, December 22 I went to the hospital to be manhandled by a doctor. Now for those of you who aren't familiar with the version procedure I will save you the google. Basically it's a procedure for the lucky moms with the stubborn babies. You willingly check yourself into the hospital, they hook you up to an IV, clear an operating room in case you go into labor and have to have an emergency c-section, and then shoot you up with some speed while they push on your belly to turn the baby. Maybe it wasn't actually speed, but it definitely made me feel like I could lift a car, I was hooked up to lots of machines and an IV and wasn't able to test it, but I'm sure I could have. I feel like that description raised more questions then it answered, my apologies.


So after they drug you they poor oil all over your belly and push and pull and knead your belly until your child turns. Finley refused. They said usually the baby's heart rate will speed up to show that they are annoyed by whats happening, not Finley, she remained cool as a cucumber, she's so strong. During this time I realized that I had given her too sassy of a name, "a Susan would never behave like this" I muttered to myself. Turns out I wasn't muttering to myself and the doctor laughed and told me that her name was Susan. She confirmed that she was head down as a fetus so my theory was right. At this point I decided to add a little more incentive to the situation, I offered to name my baby Susan if she could get her to flip. I really feel like this helped, she tried again with a new determination. The problem that we had was Finley was hiding her head up under my ribs so when they would push her she would move and hit my lowest rib and get stuck. So the doctor tried to pry her out of my ribs by clawing at my stomach and trying to pull her down. She tried for 45 minutes without any luck and then called a second doctor to come and try because he had bigger hands and a better turning record. Clearly she really wanted my baby named after her. Now I think it is worth mentioning that in the room it was myself, a female nurse, my female midwife, a female doctor, and the man who put me in this awful position, also known as my husband. There was a strong, man hater vibe in that room, I was the only one putting it out there, but it was felt by all. So the big handed doctor arrived, they told him everything they had tried and I could see on his face that he didn't know why they called him since this baby was clearly the most strong willed fetus known to man (men. Ugh.), but he greased up and tried (I think halfheartedly) to turn my baby. No luck. So he left. Of course it didn't work, if a woman couldn't do it, the man didn't even stand a chance.


A couple days after Christmas I went back in to schedule my c-section, the first day they offered was December 29th, Brisa's birthday. She had already told us under no uncertain terms that the baby was not to be born on her birthday, so I was left with the only other date available January 3rd, a Tuesday, what a lovely day for a baby. So January 2nd rolls around and I decide that this would be a good time to go out and get all my hospital supplies and pack my hospital bag. I really love procrastination, and I love putting off packing the hospital bag, there is nothing quite like the feeling you get when you get some Braxton Hicks and don't have your bag packed. The rush. The fear. The shame. The relief that its not real labor and you still don't have to pack the hospital bag, sublime.


January 3rd, D-Day. I woke up at 5:30 to get to the hospital at 6. I was grumpy, I hate mornings. So they checked me in, I gowned up and she placed my IV and then she lifted my gown to put on the baby heart rate monitor and the nurse looked concerned. My belly was still covered in bruises and claw marks. I explained that I had been abused, but it was OK because I paid them to do it and they gave me speed. Then she left and Chad suited up for surgery.

Fast forward to the operating room with a new nurse:

Me: "Chad, don't look at my butt"

Nurse: I'm sure he's seen it before"

Me: You can't prove that.

Nurse: Are you an organ donor?

Me: Yes, but I know how many kidneys I walked in here with, so don't even think about it.

Nurse: That would be a completely different surgery.

Me: I know, it was a joke.

We just clicked right away, I wonder what she's up to... hmm...

So they drugged me, cut my baby out and whisked her away, but not in a traumatizing way. I found out later that I wasn't able to hold her because she was purple and had some trouble breathing and had to be taken away so the nurses could work on her while I got stitched up/played would you rather with my midwife. Clearly I take childbirth and motherhood super seriously. The children ARE our future after all. So after I was all stitched up they put a bunch of warm blankets on me and wheeled me back to my room. Chad was in there with Finley, she was perfect, he tried to hand her to me, but I was shaking too much to hold her, it was heart breaking, but he laid her on me and I could smell that perfect baby smell, its like crack for new moms. When I was finally able to hold her she started rooting around to eat, and she was not subtle. So I nursed her and she latched right away, it didn't hurt at all, it was weird, I think she was such an awful tenant that she realized she had better be a perfect roommate if she wanted to stay. 

About an hour later they came back to take me to the maternity wing. The nurse was an awful driver and with every bump and run in with the wall I felt intense pain in my abdomen. I can't stress enough how much I loved this woman, we are talking life long friends here. So there I was in my new room, she pressed hard on my tummy to get any clots out, then we said our goodbyes, and she went home (I assume, to kick puppies). In came my new nurse.

Nurse: Have you been passing gas?

Me: yes, I'm sorry I can't control it, I still can't really feel my legs.

Nurse: No, that's a great sign! And really impressive!

Finally someone who appreciates my talents. Later that night I was doing so well that she took out my catheter and told me that I had to pee twice in the next 12 hours or it would have to be put back in, that was all the motivation I needed, so off to the bathroom I went with the help of 2 nurses (Chad had gone home to put the big kids to bed). They had to measure my urine and I filled up the whole container they were impressed. This whole time I didn't have Finley with me because I was alone and couldn't pick her up from the bassinet without help so she was in the nursery. So I just sat there alone drinking tons water, and eating a delicious chicken ceasar salad. I had 4 of them while I was there, it was delicious. and 30 minutes later I had to pee again and and I filled the cup again and my first assignment was checked off my list.


Wednesday morning comes and they tell me my next mission, walking. I have done everything on the go home check list and so once I complete 4 laps around the floor I can leave. Game on. So I ask Chad to help me get up because I have to go to the bathroom, and I realize that all of the morphine they had given me has completely worn off, so much pain! I was shaking and couldn't even talk, I barely made it to the bathroom, so Chad called the nurse so I could get some more pain meds, they helped and so I decided to take a shower because if I am going to be walking around the halls, I'm going to have clean hair. So off I go to the shower, and it hurts, but I'm tough so I keep going, I look down and see I've passed a huge clot, oh well I just have to rinse my hair and then I'll get out and tell the nurse, then I pass out. I called for Chad, but he had fallen asleep and couldn't hear me. So I stood up all on my own (so much pain) turned off the shower then yelled for him again and he walked in, saw me and called the nurse (narc, I want to go home!) they help me to my bed, I lay down, drink water, and eat some crackers, then move to the couch so the nurse can change my wet bedding, and the bed breaks, it wont go up or down. so I have to get in to a bed that is all the way up. I'm 5'3" and have just had major abdominal surgery, it was awful. But eventually I get up and walk. 4 times. It was excruciating!


Thursday at around noon the doctor who preformed my surgery came and did an exam and told me I could go home! I was thrilled, I could finally go home and see my big babies, I missed them so much! We didn't tell them we were coming so we just came in and surprised them, they were so excited, I sat down on the couch and waited for the hugs, turns out they just wanted to see the baby. Whatever. 

The next two weeks were a drugged up blur. One of my medications made me fall asleep. It took me a while to figure out why I would be sitting talking and then just fall asleep. I accidentally deleted Facebook off my phone because I fell asleep with my thumb on my phone before I even opened the app, it was a wild ride. Chad had just started a new job and didn't have any time off to help me so after my mom left I was on my own, so naturally on the night before she left Carson started throwing up. So I was home, all alone, 2 weeks after a c-section with 3 kids, what could possibly go wrong? I'll tell you what, I had to get Carson out of his crib because he was sick and crying and he wouldn't let Brisa help him and I ripped my stitches open. It was gross, they couldn't stitch it closed again so I just had to cover it with band aids, I had band aids holding my stomach closed! It worked, but my scar is hideous now because of all the ripped parts, but such is life. The baby is perfect and she's the happiest little baby that I have ever seen. I love her so much! She's got short femurs, a perfectly round c-section head, and all of my love.